Admit it, there was a time when every goddamn person, including you cringed over dad jokes but you secretly did like some of those. Whether it is that guy you want to impress by showing off some ol’ dad’s sense of humour or the girl that you wish laughs at your pick-up lines, dad’s jokes are the safest way to double down as funny, dirty, cheesy and even cute pick-up lines.
Dad Jokes That Can Be Used As Funny Pickup Lines
1. I’m afraid of the calendar. Its days are numbered.
2. What do you call a pair of time-travelling birds? A ‘paraducks’.
3. Why does the Swedish Navy have Barcodes on its warship?
So that when they return to port they can Scandinavian
4. My friend has three dogs named Rolex, Casio and Seiko- he calls them watch dogs.
5. Don’t know why it’s called a “lighthouse”, seems pretty heavy to me!
6. Did you hear about the Guy who invented the Knock-Knock Joke?
He won the No-bell-Prize!
7. I call my horse Mayo. And sometimes Mayo neighs
8. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? A Frostbite
9. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
10. What time did the man see the dentist? At tooth hurty
11. What do you call chewing gum in space? Orbit
12. What organ would make the best stand-up comedian?
The colon, because it’s great at making shit up on the spot.
13. I have a T-shirt with a list of all the atomic elements on it. I wear that shirt periodically
14. Why do cows have hooves? Because they lactose.
15. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind, it’s too wearable
16. Want to hear a joke about construction? Too bad I’m still working on it
17. Is your daddy named Oliver, because soon you’ll be Oliver this d*ck
18. Is your daddy a jalapeno because you sure are hot
19. Your daddy must play the trumpet because you’re making me h*rny!
20. When does a dad joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent
21. What does the pope have in common with a Christmas tree? The balls are just for decoration.
22. The lines at the cemetery are way too long, everyone’s dying to get in.
23. Did you fart, because you blew me away!
24. A man threw a carton of milk at me today. How dairy!
25. What kind of cheese has muscles?
Shredded cheese
26. Hey, are you missing a card? Cause I think I may have an ace up my sleeve.
27. Why did Shakespeare only write in pens? Pencils confused him. 2B or not 2B?
28. Why did the blind man fall down the well?
Cause he could not see that well…
29. What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
A satisfactory.
30. What stone did Black Widow get during Avengers Endgame? A tomestone.
31. What is the tallest building in any city?
The library. It has the most stories!
32. They call me mushroom at parties. Know why? Becuase I’m a fungi
33. My first job was working in an orange juice factory. I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate. xD
34. What concert cost 45 cent? 50 cent ft. Nickelback
35. Are you sitting on the F5 Key? Cause your ass is refreshing!
Dad Jokes As Cheesy Pickup Lines
36. I was blinded by your beauty so I’m gonna need your name and number for insurance purposes.
37. Did you hear that there’ll be only 7 planets remaining after I destroy Uranus?
38. Why don’t skeletons get into fights? They don’t have the guts.
39. I once offered a teddy bear dinner. He said “No thanks, I’m stuffed”
40. What do you call an alligator in vests? Investigator
41. How much did you pay for those pants? Because at my house, they’re a 100% off 😉
42. How do you call a person with a rubber toe? Roberto
43. Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.
44. Two TV antennae fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was incredible!
45. Argon walks into a bar and the bartender says:
“Sorry, we don’t serve noble gasses in here.”
Argon doesn’t react.
46. A college student was on holiday in Japan. He was in his hostel when suddenly there was a tsunami warning. He casually takes a blunt from his bag and starts to smoke it when a room cleaner walks in.
The cleaner says “you can’t smoke here, sir.”
The student replies “There was a tsunami warning. When there’s a tsunami you’re supposed to get as high as you can.”
47. A man asked a beekeeper if he could purchase a dozen bees. The beekeeper gave him 13 instead.
“Excuse me, you seem to have given me an extra”.
“That one’s a free bee”.
50. What do you call a fat boy from northern Russia? A Siberian husky
51. What do runners eat before a race? Nothing. They fast
52. Have you heard about the guy who ate plutonium? People say he did a real alpha move
53. How do flat earthers travel? On an aeroplain. With no round trips.
54. What type of flower grows on your face? Tu-lips
55. Why is Swiss cheese the Pope’s favourite? Because it’s holey
56. A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says,
“We have a drink named after you.”
The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named, ‘Steve?!'”
57. How do frogs kill themselves? They Kermit suicide.
58. How many times do you have to tickle an octopus to make it laugh? Ten-ticles
59. Knock Knock
P2:Who’s there
Hatch
P2:Hatch who
Bless you!
P2: Sorry my allergies have been killing me lately
Then you’re in desperate need for some vitamin ME
60. What kind of bees produce milk? Boobees B)
61. What generation does Forrest Gump belong to?
Gen-A
So, that was the end of dad jokes as cheesy and funny pickup lines. For more pickup lines, visit dateonthego.com.
What dad joke is your favourite? Let us know in the comments below!
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